I am here...although I don't know if I have arrived. Some days I feel stranded in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, other days I marvel at the paradise that I call my life. Welcome to my ramblings, reflections, and obsessive- compulsive tendencies

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

...about six years in my life

my dear blue-eyed boy,

i am in shock. how have six years gone by so quickly? it seems like i blinked and you changed from this bouncing baby full of giggles and smiles into this boy who has theories about the world, opinions and ideas, makes jokes, reads stories, recites poems and brings such joy into the lives of all those who come into contact with you. oh yes, and a boy who is still full of giggles and smiles, luckily for me.

this year has been a journey for us, hasn’t it? last year at this time we were living in toronto, spending time at the zoo, riverdale farm, the splash pads in the city and walking down to trinity-bellwoods park to play. now you are a bermuda boy who walks to school, plays on the beach at john smith’s bay, rides bikes along the railway trail, checks out the dolphins at the dockyards and rides the ferry like a pro. no matter what you are doing or where you are doing it, you always amaze me with the enthusiasm you have. you will try anything and everything and can’t wait for the next challenge, usually with energy to spare.

perhaps you don’t know this, but i have learned a great deal from you. of course, i didn’t realize all of the animal trivia i would have in my head after only a few years of being a parent to you, but that is only a small part of it. you throw yourself completely into what you love. you don’t hold back even a little bit. i think the world would be a better place if everyone was as passionate and motivated as you are. you also smile, chat or wave to all the other children that you see on the beach or at the playground or wherever you happen to be. you are an open, caring and considerate person with such a sense of fun and adventure. and you are incredibly loving. you show such depth of love for your brother, for daddy and for me, and also for nanna, grampy, grandma and all the other people in our family. you are an exceptional individual and have completely changed my life for the better. i have loved each moment of getting to know the person that you are over the last six years. i have loved each moment of being your mom.

happy birthday, sweet boy.

love mommy

Friday, July 10, 2009

...about three years in my life

dearest baby boy,

today you turn three. three years full of love, laughter, tears, worry, joy and amazment. it has been a most amazing three years in my life. when i look at your sweet face today, i see those same big, beatiful eyes looking up at me as i saw on the first day that i was so blessed to meet you. those eyes that dance and sparkle, that draw everyone in, that hold laughter and mishchief, that look with adoration on your older brother, that overflow with love.

i have returned to those first few days that you and i spent in the hospital together many, many times. you were the most calm baby. on a ward that had three sets of twins wailing their way through the first week of their lives, you gazed around at your new world hardly making a peep. your full head of elvis-like hair, your enourmous eyes and your gentle nature had all of your nurses swooning from day one. because daddy was spending time back and forth from the hospital taking care of your big brother, i got to spend hours alone with you, snuggling with you, so thrilled that you had made your way into my life. i loved those moments, and i've agonized over those moments, too. why didn't i see what was to come? why wasn't i listening more closely as you were tucked in against me?

i also return in my mind to those days six weeks later in another hospital when i watched with a team of doctors and nurses marvel a little baby whose heart skyrocketed then stopped then, after days on a bypass machine and a cocktail of various medicines, began to make a recovery that we were warned was unlikely. you are a determined child, darling boy. i have known that from the first year of your life. you were so determined to make your mark on this world that you defied odds. i am so glad that you did.

it has been a thrill for me to see you continue to have people marvel at the boy that you have become. your face has the most expressions i have ever seen. you have a gorgeous smile that we get to see all the time and laughter that sounds better than any music i have ever heard. we never have to wonder what you are thinking because of your continuous commentary. you never miss anything, not a comment, or a joke, or the opportunity to go on an adventure. order is your middle name. the blocks, the cars and the animals all have a place, and you like to know where everyone is at all times, what seat they will be sitting in and what car they will be driving. you are drawn to every ball that comes across your path. already you can dribble a soccer ball, hit a tennis ball, a golf ball, and a baseball better than most of the members of your immediate family. you are a rough and tumble, tough kind of kid. if you fall, you brush yourself off and continue on your way. you hold your own with a brother that is twice your size, though you are pretty lucky that he is so patient considering all of the jumping and bouncing, pushing and pulling he endures for your entertainment. he loves you with all of his heart. we all do. you are an incredible boy.

i love you. have a very happy birthday.

love mommy

Sunday, July 5, 2009

...about ten minutes in my life

transcript of sunday morning 8:45am to 8:55am:

(walk in door returning from 5 1/2 mile run)
me:  (unable to talk or really breathe)

darling husband: how was your run, sweetheart?

me: (lungs still in overdrive) um...good...i guess...i did it...that's the big thing.


(darling son #2 standing in disgusting mess in middle of living room not daring to move.  take off pj pants and run him to the toilet to begin clean-up)

me:  don't worry sweetheart.  accidents happen.  let's try to get to the toilet next time, okay?

darling son #2:  i pooed in the living room, but i didn't poo in the dining room.  that's good, right?

me: (thinking...are you kidding me!)  that's right, honey.  but pee and poo go in the bathroom.

darling son #2:  mommy, you are all sweaty and yucky.  

me: (thinking...i'm the one that's yucky?!?  are you kidding me!)  i am, aren't i.  i just came back from my run.

darling son #1:  mommy, can i go on the computer now?

me:  in just a minute.  let me clean up your brother and then i'm going to quickly check my messages.

darling son #1:  ARGGGGGGHHHH!  you are the worst mom in the world!

darling son #2:  i love you mommy (then looks at older brother with holier than thou attitude)

darling husband:  okay boys, leave mommy alone.

me: (thinking...thank god i don't have to do this parenting thing on my own!)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

...about schedules

now the the summer holidays are here, we have a little schedule on the fridge about what wonderful activities our day holds.  each possible activity is on a little card beautifully decorated by my oldest darling boy.  a magnet is pasted on the back.  making them was arts and crafts activity number one.  he excitedly checks the fridge one million times a day and bounces back to me saying, "now we get to do ...!"  or "soon we get to do ...!"  

Here is the schedule for today, created by darling child:
  • breakfast
  • play animals
  • playground
  • go grocery shopping
  • lunch
  • quiet time
  • arts and crafts
  • play trains
  • tv time
  • dinner
  • bath time
  • stories
  • bedtime

compare to the schedule I would like:
  • sleep in
  • brunch
  • mani-pedi
  • read trashy magazine by a pool
  • delicious snacks delivered to me by pool
  • leisurely stroll along beach with gorgeous man
  • dinner at a beautiful restaurant overlooking ocean in new outfit and shoes
  • drink wine and listen to live music late into evening

it's not too much to ask, is it?