...about what is never far from my mind

i try my best. i eat fruits and vegetables. i never drink soda or coffee or beer. i do enjoy the occasional glass of wine but i wouldn't say i overdo it in that department either. i don't smoke and i am relatively active, especially if running after two little boys counts.

and yet...i am stuck in a bit of a rut. i lost quite a few pounds a couple of years ago through watching my calories and exercise. box-fit and run-walking on the treadmill were my activities of choice. i put a few pounds back on in the stressful months leading up to our bermuda move and then lost them and a few more when i wasn't working and the winter weather on our little island proved the perfect combination for a healthy lifestyle. running beside the ocean and along the trails melted off the pounds. i wowed my friends and family (and, admittedly even impressed myself) when i returned for a visit to Canada in June of last year at a weight that was probably only about 20 pounds away from my goal.

fast-forward to now. I am about 25 pounds away from my goal. i have been about 25 pounds away from my goal for months and months and months. the good news is that i can mostly maintain my weight. i should be happy about this. i am trying to be happy about this. the reality is that i am frustrated that i can't keep my resolve to lose that last 20 pounds. i cannot seem to balance looking after my family, teaching full-time, while still continuing to work away at my weight loss goal. every week i say, i am going to stick to it. will this be the week that i actually do?

i hope it will be. i want it to be. i need it to be.