Where I'm From

I am from scrabble and kings on the corners, from euchre until the wee hours of the morning and I am from wanting to be the winner, extreme competition, but enjoying the time it meant with our family even more.

I am from casseroles and barbeques, from beans on toast, spaghetti on toast and from vegemite and toast, especially when my dad was cooking. I am from fresh baked bread and cherry pie at one grandparents’ house and welsh cakes, Sunday dinners and milk delivered to the door in glass bottles at my other grandparents’ house.

I am from long car rides, games to pass the time, camping in tents, campfires and hot chocolate with mini marshmallows. I am from splashing in puddles, rain falling on an umbrella. throwing snowballs and rolling down hills. I am from riding bikes and kicking soccer balls. I am from walks in the woods and swinging on old rusty swings.

I am from mad minute math and speech competitions, the health hustle and writing with a pencil until you earned a pen for being so neat. I am from passing notes and giggling at the back of the class. I am from musicals and plays and school trips that I remember and math lessons and geography lessons that I don’t.

I am from Sweet Valley High, Flowers in the Attic and Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret. I am from listening to my mom read me Tom Sawyer and Anne of Green Gables. I am from Flintstones, Three’s Company and Beverly Hills 90210 on television and Tetris and SuperMario Brothers on the computer.

I am from swimming lessons and piano lessons, gymnastics and synchro and soccer. I am from band practice, basketball and volleyball teams, from singing groups and youth groups. I am from complaining about practicing piano while my dad sat in the rocking chair and my mom watched the timer on the stove. I am from The Entertainer and Good King Wenceslas, Phantom of the Opera and Les Miserables. I am from and playing duets with my brother and performances on demand. I am from my mom spending half of her life driving my brothers and me to our activities and spending the other half of her life in the coffee shop.

I am from lilies in the garden, digging up mounds of potatoes with my dad and eating cherry tomatoes off of the vine. I am from lettuce dip-in on a hot summer day. I am from playing hide and seek in the cornfields and chickens in the barn. I am from swept floors in the kitchen and clothes on the floor in the bedroom. I am from “your face will freeze like that” and “stop fighting with your brothers” and I am from “You are in everything but a jam sandwich” and “I love you”.

I am from ponytails and pigtails, braids and ribbons. I am from homemade pretty dresses, frilly socks and shiny shoes but I am also from grubby shorts and t-shirts with dirty bare feet. I am from being able to be whatever and whoever I wanted to be. I am from rough and tumble play, running and jumping and I am from sewing and cross-stitch, arts and crafts and baking. I am from teasing and tickling, hugs and kisses. I am from all kinds of places that I am so glad to be from…and more.

I read about "Where I'm From" in blogs by Loukia and ModernMom.

Such a lovely trip down memory lane! Thanks for the inspiration.

...about not having guests for your party

so, one of the reasons I like to read blogs is because I feel like there are people out there who are going through some of the same things that I am. you know, the ups and downs of raising children, trying out recipes, struggling with exercise or work or weight loss or whatever.

inspired by the oscars last weekend, I decided to invite a few women over this saturday night for a movie night. nothing fancy. just a few appetizers, some wine and casual conversation. a friend said that she had black swan, so we were set.

one by one, i have had every person that i invited say that they are busy or they won't be coming. i am down to me, the person bringing the movie and her sister. i'm feeling pretty pathetic. i'm feeling like my social calendar is pretty sad in comparison to all of those around me considering i am free on a saturday night and nobody else is.

not really feeling like others are going through the same thing!

please tell me there is a person out there who has planned a party or get together at some point in their lives and had very few guests show up. there must be.

i hope someone blogs about it soon.

...about taking risks

it turns out that i have muscles that i didn't know existed. they all hurt. i went to a boxing class on wednesday evening and then played basketball for two days in a row. even though i desperately need a massage therapist, it's all good. you have to love that muscles burning feeling, knowing that you have done something your body needs.

the basketball thing is pretty new. twenty years ago (ouch, that hurt, how old do i feel!) i played basketball on my grade 9 girls team. i'm thinking the team wasn't too hard to make because i am certainly no star. i could hold my own on the court, mostly getting rebounds and then passing the ball to the girls who could consistently get the "swish".

today i played on the staff team against the championship winning boys team. i'm all for teachers going out and making fools of themselves, showing kids that taking risks is something we all do. i ask them to take risks all the time in english class. i make them share their opinions, write poetry even if they think it isn't a strength, i challenge them to try new things. it is harder as we get older to take those risks.

it's a good thing that i don't mind making a fool of myself because the skills i may have had when i was 14 seem to have vanished. i dribbled a few times, made a few passes, missed a few passes and accidentally took the ball from one of my own players. still, my students cheered and chanted for me. our team lost by a few points, but i think there was far more gained in the game than what showed on the scoreboard. i'm hoping the students noticed that i was a good sport. i'm hoping the girls noticed that there is a place for them on the court if they choose. i'm hoping that this spurs me on to take risks in other areas of my life. i'm hoping there is a beginners basketball league on this little island because i had so much fun over the last couple of days.

...about baking

i have bread rising on the counter and applesauce cake in the oven. i make a mean rum cake, pretty good multigrain bread and mouthwatering cinnamon buns.

baking is my form of therapy.

marking and report cards are hanging over my head, i am tired of trying to figure out the people that i work with and even more tired of trying to juggle my role at school as teacher/principal's wife/parent.

so, i bake.

if you follow the directions and do what you are supposed to do, you have delicious success. why can't life be like that.

must go out for a run now so that i can feel a little less guilt at consuming all of the treats later today (witness my two other forms of therapy).

...about being a klutz

i fall. i bruise. it's what i do.

this weekend i went for a run along south shore road. (here in bermuda we have north shore road, middle road and south shore road. creative names, don't you think?)

i was absorbed with the music playing on my ipod, belting out the wicked soundtrack (i know, cool, right!) when all of a sudden i was lying on my back on the road. i tripped over something about as big as a pebble and ended up with a scrape on my hand and a very red face. as we klutzy people do, I took a breath, stood up, dusted myself off and continued on my run just glad that nobody i knew was around to witness my little tumble. in my peripheral vision i could see a car had slowed down to make sure i was alright. i waved them on and tried to avoid eye contact, only to have a face appear out the window saying, "rheanne... are you okay, can we drive you somewhere?"

as luck would have it, two of my colleagues and their children were driving by at the very moment that i was lying on the road. nice. so much for nobody i knew being around.

i assured them that i was fine but they only drove as far as the gas station and proceeded to wait until they saw me run by. they asked me again if i really was okay so i showed them my little battle wound and sent them on their way.

although the first feeling i had was total embarrassment, i must admit it felt nice to have people looking out for me. i've been missing toronto quite a lot lately. it may have something to do with some current colleagues that i could do without and a longing for the friends and colleagues from past schools. it may also have something to do with canada being in the news and on television so much because of vancouver hosting the olympics. my feelings of homesick are at an all-time high. after my experience this weekend, my second feeling was that some people around here do care about my well-being. i am thinking there are a few benefits to living in the small-town life. anonymity is a thing of the past, but it is nice to know that i will be looked after when it comes down to it no matter where i tumble.

for me, it's the little gestures that make the biggest impact.

...about party attire

my darling little one has been invited to a birthday party today.

his little friend is turning four and the theme of her party is "princes and princesses".

he loves a good party. he loves anything that includes cake.

he has been talking about his party all week.

my little boy plans to go dressed as...spiderman.

the joys of having boys.

...about the breakfast of champions

my son gets up early. every single day, without fail he gets up at 6am (or earlier)! some days we let him go downstairs to get his own breakfast and watch cartoons. a little responsibility is a good thing and a few extra minutes of sleep for mommy and daddy is not so bad either.

check out the picture of the breakfast we found him beginning to eat as we came downstairs this morning.

he called is creation, "bagel s'mores".

yummy.

...about what is never far from my mind

i try my best. i eat fruits and vegetables. i never drink soda or coffee or beer. i do enjoy the occasional glass of wine but i wouldn't say i overdo it in that department either. i don't smoke and i am relatively active, especially if running after two little boys counts.

and yet...i am stuck in a bit of a rut. i lost quite a few pounds a couple of years ago through watching my calories and exercise. box-fit and run-walking on the treadmill were my activities of choice. i put a few pounds back on in the stressful months leading up to our bermuda move and then lost them and a few more when i wasn't working and the winter weather on our little island proved the perfect combination for a healthy lifestyle. running beside the ocean and along the trails melted off the pounds. i wowed my friends and family (and, admittedly even impressed myself) when i returned for a visit to Canada in June of last year at a weight that was probably only about 20 pounds away from my goal.

fast-forward to now. I am about 25 pounds away from my goal. i have been about 25 pounds away from my goal for months and months and months. the good news is that i can mostly maintain my weight. i should be happy about this. i am trying to be happy about this. the reality is that i am frustrated that i can't keep my resolve to lose that last 20 pounds. i cannot seem to balance looking after my family, teaching full-time, while still continuing to work away at my weight loss goal. every week i say, i am going to stick to it. will this be the week that i actually do?

i hope it will be. i want it to be. i need it to be.

...about a year

that was then.... ...this is now

it has been a year. we moved to bermuda on december 29th, 2008. everyone told us when we moved here that it would take a year before we felt okay about our move. it is official. we have completed our requisite year.

do we feel bermudian? not even close.

is it beginning to feel like home? it is getting closer.

i knew it would be emotional and hard and exciting and huge. it was.

i thought it would be the right move for our family. it has been.

i hoped we would be closer and calmer and happier and saner. we are (well, sanity is something i expect we will always strive for).

i expected we would miss our families. we do.

...about my prayers for the twenty-first century

i have hope for the future.

recently a little baby was born into my extended family. she is hope.

i believe in what she is capable of.

she, along with her sister, her little cousins, my darling nieces, and my sweet boys are part of a generation that i know will make the changes that need to happen. they will have the creativity, the freedom, the unique ideas, the equality, the open-mindedness, the passion for a better world.

i often read the book, "Prayer for the Twenty-First Century" by John Marsden to my students on or near Remembrance Day. i did this again this year.

these are some of my prayers:

may laughter and joy fill each and every day

may we feel inspired by something greater than ourselves

may we see and bring out the best in those around us

may negative voices be silenced, may creativity and imagination ring loud and clear

may we fully cherish the innocence of childhood and the wisdom of age

may we realize that there is hope for the future

welcome, alice hope.

...about racing

In an effort to jump-start my exercise regimen, I signed up for a 5K competitive walk a couple of weeks ago, roped some friends into training with me a couple of times each week and became a "blogger on the run", inspired by Connie of "Fat to Fit Mommy". Today was race day and I was as excited as I could possibly be. Perhaps because I was walking and not running, but also because it was a women's event and it was amazing to be surrounded by so many other people making the choice to do something healthy on a Sunday morning.

My ultra-competitive friend decided that she was going to walk as fast as humanly possible and took off as soon as the race began. Not liking to be outdone, I pushed myself beyond my usual pace and ended up in 13th place overall! Outstanding considering there were over 90 walkers. My time for my walk was 39:46 (the first place finisher was 36:45), achieving my goal of finishing the race in under 40 minutes. I have felt great about myself all day and have decided that I will do one walking or running a race each month. Next race -- end of November for the Bacardi 8K run. Can't wait!

...about entertaining

i've never really been one to invite people over to my house much. even as a kid i was happier going over to other people's houses. they had stuff that i didn't have. i didn't have to share my toys or have them broken. i didn't have to worry that my mom or dad or brothers would embarrass me. i could decide when i was done and go home, not wait for the other person to decide. that all kind of carried over into adulthood. we would have a party or two on a special occasions, but beyond that, we only really had family over for dinner or perhaps a really close friend that felt like family. we didn't have to worry too much that our house wasn't amazingly decorated (or all that tidy) and there was no concern over impressing them...what could they do, they were tied to us by blood, after all.

now that we are on this little island in the middle of the ocean and we don't have family around, we've decided to branch out a little in the realm of entertaining. for the last two weeks in a row we have invited friends over. our boys are thrilled. last week we invited a family, also originally from ontario, who have two little girls about the ages of our boys. by the end of the evening we had seen puppet shows, fashion shows, jello tricks, dances and songs, there were toys in every room of our house, bathrooms included, and a whole lot of empty wine bottles adorning the kitchen counter. we had such a good time. this weekend, we had a couple and their tiny baby over for dinner. they just moved here from atlanta three weeks ago and are just trying to get settled. again, we had a lovely evening. our littlest son performed his way through the evening with his crazy faces and funny dances while our oldest son spent the first half of the evening running his "restaurant", taking food and drink orders, and the second half of the evening sharing little known facts about animals. our tiny, three-month old guest was wearing pajamas with animals all over them, so our little professor had to find the toy versions of each one of them and give his informative lectures about each animal.

our house still isn't amazingly decorated (or all that tidy) and we don't have all that many "impressive" menu items. we do have fun, though. we've discovered that entertaining isn't really about all of those trappings anyway. it is about enjoying the company of friends. we're already thinking about who we can invite to our house next saturday evening.

...about dividing and conquering

here is a little snapshot of my usual home life: mornings are a crazy rush of showering, making breakfasts, packing lunches, filling backpacks, trying to get everyone looking presentable and making it out the door before 8am.  evenings aren't much easier with the four of us arriving home at 5pm and my hungry, tired children demanding food instantly.  there is then the frenzy of dishes, tidying, baths, stories and bedtime followed by marking, ironing and completely crashing.  this new routine where mommy is back at work is taking some getting used to.

here is a little snapshot of my home life this evening: while my oldest son was completely entertained at his after-school sports club, i caught up on all my marking and planning.  when i met him after club i enjoyed the best hug ever and heard how much he missed me during the day.  we headed off to the ice cream store, chatted about our day over mango sorbet and then walked across the street and continued our conversation on a patio at one of his favourite restaurants.  backwards dinners (dessert first) are the best.  when we arrived home we read his homework books together, laughed about how easy they were for him and calmly headed upstairs for bath time.  we made jokes and laughed all the way through the scrubbing of knees and washing of hair.  as a special treat we stayed up "late" and played monopoly jr. all the way until 8pm.  at the end of the game, my darling boy happily hopped up and brushed his teeth and got ready for bed.  he decided to collect a variety of jungle animals that he could cuddle with all night and fell asleep listening to his music.  it was the calmest, loveliest evening i can remember in a long time.

you may notice that any mention of darling husband and littlest son are curiously missing in this posting.  they are off island at the moment at a specialist appointment.  i love them dearly.  i miss them terribly, but there is something to be said for the divide and conquer approach to parenting every so often.

...about kindness

thoughtfulness and kindness go a long way for me. i strive to be a thoughtful and kind person. on my best days i offer people a ride somewhere when they need it, bring in random treats to staff meetings just because it might make the meeting a little more enjoyable or offer to help with errands or childcare if i know someone is struggling to keep it together. on my not so great days, i get absorbed with myself and fret about all that i don't have time to do.

lately, i have been pretty absorbed. i am not putting myself down. i am in a transition period at the moment. my littlest boy is beginning school. i am going back to work. i have to figure out a way to do almost all of the jobs i was doing when i stayed at home as well as all the jobs that go along with teaching 11 year olds each day. i have a bit of stress that i am working through. i know this so i'm not going to be too hard on myself for being self-absorbed. i'm giving myself a break. having said that, i got a much needed reminder about "the circle of kindness" yesterday.

i was rushing downtown to hamilton to pick up photos, school shoes for the boys and some classroom items. i pulled into the parking lot and was rummaging around in the car to find some change for the meter when a woman came to my window, smiled at me and passed me her ticket that had more than 30 minutes still left on it. i told her how lovely she was to which she replied, "oh, people have done it for me, so i thought i would pass it along." her gesture was a small one but it coloured my day. in a stressful week, it is the little things that count. i hope i have helped out people when they need it. i hope some of the gestures that i have made have made a small difference. i believe that kindness does come back to you. it did for me just at the right time.

...about time

this evening i looked at my two boys sleeping peacefully and tears rolled down my cheeks.  it is done.  they are both starting school next week.  i am going back to work tomorrow.  the days of playing trains, making snacks at 10:30am and 3:30pm, napping together, and puttering away the days are done.  staying in pajamas until lunch, playdates and coffee dates in the middle of the day, and being part of all the learning, all the experiences of every day.  all that is finished.  how can this be?  the time is racing by too quickly.  i am not ready.  i want to go back to work.  i am good at being an educator.  i have much to offer to the forty-one students that i am blessed to be teaching.  i will learn from them.  we will have memorable experiences together.  i will miss my two little boys terribly.  i will think of them constantly.  i have weekends.  i have long summers.  will that be enough?  i don't think i'm ready to close this chapter just yet.  but, the chapter is done.  i hope the next chapter holds as much joy as this past one has.

...about swimming

i love swimming.  i am happy swimming in a pool, a lake, the ocean, whatever.  i do front crawl, backstroke, breaststroke, even butterfly and because of my days long ago as a synchronized swimmer, i have a bunch of fancy, hold-my-leg-up-the-air kind of moves that wow the kids every so often as well.  my love of swimming has clearly and wholeheartedly made its way to my oldest son.  as soon as he could crawl his way to the water, he was there, unable to wipe the giant smile from his face.  i can't count the number of times i have had to say, "sweetie, you have to stop smiling and close your mouth when you go underwater or you will swallow the whole pool!"  my youngest son, on the other hand, hasn't been the most enthusiastic participant in this passion of mine.  apart from enjoying the odd hot tub at hotel pools, my little one has been content to be the adoring audience on the deck chair.

we spent a month at the cottage this summer.  no matter what the temperature, my big boy was up for a swim in the lake.  we jumped in from the dock and swam all the way around to the beach to surprise whoever was there. we tried to knock each other off the blow-up turtle.  we had daily "swimming lessons" where he would swim without his lifejacket.   he even jumped out of the paddleboat and swam back to shore.  all the while, my little one watched and listened to our laughter, joining in only to be the official counter: "5.4.3.2.1.blastoff" at which point i would take a leap or a dive into the lake much to his amusement.  every day for the whole month i would say, "how about today.  would you like to swim with mommy?  i won't let you go.  we will have fun."  everyday he would say, "no thank-you.  it's too cold and too deep for me.  maybe later."

on the second last day of our vacation, when we were staying in a toronto hotel before flying back to bermuda, my little one took a few tentative steps into the big pool.  after much praise from his brother, father, mother and grandparents, he went from sitting on the steps of the pool to jumping in off the side.  the next day i scoured the mall to find him water wings and on our last fantastic day, i watching his face light up as he paddled his way around the entire pool without anyone holding him, "i can do it myself!  i'm a good swimmer, aren't i!" and jumped in numerous times, continuing to enjoy himself even when his head went right underwater.  my boy does things in his own time, in his own way.  

when we hit the beach in bermuda after getting back home, he was right there, jumping into the waves with his big brother.  he turned around and said, "mommy, count me in!  say 5.4.3.2.1.blastoff and then i will jump into the water!"  pride is such a lovely feeling.

...about being a painter

my mom is an artist. over the years she has dabbled in many crafts and artistic pursuits. she has hammered copper, she has done cross-stitch, macrame, needlepoint and crochet, she has made life-sized people and animals out of papier machee, she is a fantastic photographer and she has a collection of unbelievable quilts and wall hangings to her name. she certainly has a gift. a few years ago my mom took up painting. she met with her friend who had been painting for a number of years, got some tips and they painted together once or twice a week. she tried out a few different styles, took a class or two, and began creating beautiful, somewhat abstract pieces of art mostly around her passion of flowers. she would photograph them in her garden (oh, yeah, didn't i mention she is a spectacular gardener as well) or growing wild by the side of some country road and then paint them. she is her harshest critic, so she doesn't share her work with many people. whatever her feelings about her own work, she impresses me to no end.

unfortunately, i didn't inherit my mom's talent for painting. i can hold my own in the craft area. my mom taught me how to sew when i was young and i have since made clothing for myself and for my sons, a lovely baby quilt and some wall hangings. i like a good craft and can sit for hours with glue, sparkles, construction paper and markers with my boys (well, hours with my two might be pushing it a little bit).

still, painting was beyond me. i can't draw stick people. my students over the years can attest to my lack of skill in this area. many a chuckle escaped from their lips as i tried to illustrate some concept. whatever. as i said, painting was beyond me, until recently. i found my painting niche at the cottage.

beautiful images of the rocks of georgian bay? no.

impressive recreations of canoes and boats drifting gently down the channel? not quite.

loons, beavers, chipmunks in their natural habitat? sadly, no.

the boathouse transformed from a dingy, faded, peeling mess into something that isn't quite such an eyesore. YES! that is my gift. i can wield a roller with the best of them and don't even get me started on my scraping technique!

i'll admit, it isn't the most artistic pursuit, but, amazingly, it does bring me some degree of pleasure. there is something rewarding about making something fresh and new looking. covering the imperfections, bringing new life to something that seemed long past its prime. i wish my gift was more van gogh and less mike holmes, but you take what you are given.

...about inventing games

i grew up as the middle child of two brothers. to look at me in my yellow dresses and the ribbons and braids in my hair, you would think i was every bit the feminine, sweet little girly-girl. look a little closer, though, and there was likely mud streaked on my face and a bruise or two on my legs. i could rough and tumble with the best of them. the three of us spent many hours kicking balls, playing tag, playing board games or card games and dreaming up a variety of ways to get each other into trouble. wrestling in the basement away from the watchful eyes of our parents was always popular. the best basement game by far, though, was one that we invented. we had one of those balls with the ears on it that you could sit on and hold and bounce all over the place. we would take turns trying to get from one end of the basement to the other on the bouncy ball while the other two would do anything and everything to knock off the person on the ball. it was fantastic, most likely because there was the element of danger. i expect that most episodes of that game ended in tears. of course, that didn’t stop up from playing the game over and over again.

this week our cottage was filled with extended family. there were ten people in all including four children between the ages of six and one. my boys have spent their days splashing in the water, exploring, chatting, and playing with their little relatives. they have also taught them new games...monopoly junior, rushhour and farmyard uno, all lovely games purchased at toys-r-us or some other equally reputable children’s store. while these games were fun, by far, their favourite game of the week has been an invented game called “hammer-tag”. As you might guess, it is played by all the children getting a hammer from the workbench (toy ones...so far!) and running around trying to hammer each other. this game has it all...squeals of delight, laughter, a hint of danger and the inevitable ending in tears. what more can you ask for in a game, right? should i be looking to get a patent?

this could very well be a case of the apple not falling far from the tree. i did my best to steer the children away from this game, with very limited luck. i guess there is no denying that these kind of invented games are the stuff of which childhood is made.

...about six years in my life

my dear blue-eyed boy,

i am in shock. how have six years gone by so quickly? it seems like i blinked and you changed from this bouncing baby full of giggles and smiles into this boy who has theories about the world, opinions and ideas, makes jokes, reads stories, recites poems and brings such joy into the lives of all those who come into contact with you. oh yes, and a boy who is still full of giggles and smiles, luckily for me.

this year has been a journey for us, hasn’t it? last year at this time we were living in toronto, spending time at the zoo, riverdale farm, the splash pads in the city and walking down to trinity-bellwoods park to play. now you are a bermuda boy who walks to school, plays on the beach at john smith’s bay, rides bikes along the railway trail, checks out the dolphins at the dockyards and rides the ferry like a pro. no matter what you are doing or where you are doing it, you always amaze me with the enthusiasm you have. you will try anything and everything and can’t wait for the next challenge, usually with energy to spare.

perhaps you don’t know this, but i have learned a great deal from you. of course, i didn’t realize all of the animal trivia i would have in my head after only a few years of being a parent to you, but that is only a small part of it. you throw yourself completely into what you love. you don’t hold back even a little bit. i think the world would be a better place if everyone was as passionate and motivated as you are. you also smile, chat or wave to all the other children that you see on the beach or at the playground or wherever you happen to be. you are an open, caring and considerate person with such a sense of fun and adventure. and you are incredibly loving. you show such depth of love for your brother, for daddy and for me, and also for nanna, grampy, grandma and all the other people in our family. you are an exceptional individual and have completely changed my life for the better. i have loved each moment of getting to know the person that you are over the last six years. i have loved each moment of being your mom.

happy birthday, sweet boy.

love mommy

...about three years in my life

dearest baby boy,

today you turn three. three years full of love, laughter, tears, worry, joy and amazment. it has been a most amazing three years in my life. when i look at your sweet face today, i see those same big, beatiful eyes looking up at me as i saw on the first day that i was so blessed to meet you. those eyes that dance and sparkle, that draw everyone in, that hold laughter and mishchief, that look with adoration on your older brother, that overflow with love.

i have returned to those first few days that you and i spent in the hospital together many, many times. you were the most calm baby. on a ward that had three sets of twins wailing their way through the first week of their lives, you gazed around at your new world hardly making a peep. your full head of elvis-like hair, your enourmous eyes and your gentle nature had all of your nurses swooning from day one. because daddy was spending time back and forth from the hospital taking care of your big brother, i got to spend hours alone with you, snuggling with you, so thrilled that you had made your way into my life. i loved those moments, and i've agonized over those moments, too. why didn't i see what was to come? why wasn't i listening more closely as you were tucked in against me?

i also return in my mind to those days six weeks later in another hospital when i watched with a team of doctors and nurses marvel a little baby whose heart skyrocketed then stopped then, after days on a bypass machine and a cocktail of various medicines, began to make a recovery that we were warned was unlikely. you are a determined child, darling boy. i have known that from the first year of your life. you were so determined to make your mark on this world that you defied odds. i am so glad that you did.

it has been a thrill for me to see you continue to have people marvel at the boy that you have become. your face has the most expressions i have ever seen. you have a gorgeous smile that we get to see all the time and laughter that sounds better than any music i have ever heard. we never have to wonder what you are thinking because of your continuous commentary. you never miss anything, not a comment, or a joke, or the opportunity to go on an adventure. order is your middle name. the blocks, the cars and the animals all have a place, and you like to know where everyone is at all times, what seat they will be sitting in and what car they will be driving. you are drawn to every ball that comes across your path. already you can dribble a soccer ball, hit a tennis ball, a golf ball, and a baseball better than most of the members of your immediate family. you are a rough and tumble, tough kind of kid. if you fall, you brush yourself off and continue on your way. you hold your own with a brother that is twice your size, though you are pretty lucky that he is so patient considering all of the jumping and bouncing, pushing and pulling he endures for your entertainment. he loves you with all of his heart. we all do. you are an incredible boy.

i love you. have a very happy birthday.

love mommy